Al-Anon survival to recovery

Al-Anon Survival To Recovery

Al-Anon is a fellowship of relatives and friends of alcoholics who solve their common problems by sharing their experiences, hope and strengths. Alcoholism is a family illness and by changing attitudes, this can aid recovery. Al-Anon has one purpose, and that is to help families of alcoholics, by practising the Twelve Steps, giving comfort to families of alcoholics, and giving understanding and encouragement to the alcoholic.

Sharing is so important , because it's only through sharing that we can release ourselves from the darkness we believe lurks within, and begin to live in the present. We begin to discover that we are not bad people but people who made imperfect choices, the only choices we could see at the time. Our worst behaviours were attempts to cope with long held pain. Most of our character defects served a purpose at some time. We may have learned control to ward off chaos, or judgement to reduce our shame. We may eat or buy things or give gifts, in order to ease the feeling of loneliness. We may hide behind laughter and joking, to avoid crying uncontrollably. We may rage to cover up feelings of helplessness or refuse to take chances rather than risk failure. In order to release a character defect, we must believe and be willing to find a positive alternative to our old defensive behaviour. With the light of compassion, we see a realistic view of ourselves as human beings with limitations and capabilities. We gain faith by seeing others bravely growing before our eyes, and by listening to their strength and hope at meetings. We accept responsibility for the choices we made, and for ourselves, and we expand our trust in God, ourselves, and other people.

Service is the heart of Al-Anon for the program is dependent on each doing their share. We contribute by setting up chairs, making coffee, and we serve by sponsoring members, greeting newcomers and volunteering in many ways, large and small. More important, we want to share our strengths, hopes and experiences, because part of our awakening is the understanding that we are not alone, we are part of the human community, and that others still suffer as we did before we found Al-Anon. Much of our recovery comes from learning how to create and maintain reasonable boundaries, and not give so much of ourselves away, that there is nothing left for us. More recovery comes from serving others while maintaining balance in our lives, and keeping our boundaries firm but flexible. Thus, while we learn service in Al-Anon, we also improve our program, and benefit from giving and receiving.


THE TWELVE STEPS CLIMBING THE STEPS TO RECOVERY 1. WE ADMITTED WE WERE POWERLESS OVER ALCOHOL - THAT OUR LIVES HAD BECOME UNMANAGEABLE. It is essential in giving up trying to control others, even if we believe we are doing what we do for their own good. It requires us to humbly face our human limitations and admitting we are powerless and not responsible for everyone in this world. Understanding that we did not cause the disease, could not control it, and could not cure it, lifts the ever present guilt we had carried unconsciously for so long. Finally, we found permission and courage to focus on ourselves and the pleasures, hopes and dreams that had slipped away while we were concentrating so much energy on others. 2. CAME TO BELIEVE THAT A POWER GREATER THAN OURSELVES COULD RESTORE US TO SANITY. As our faith in a Power greater than ourselves begins to grow, we need to become more willing to act on the guidance we receive. Action requires a decision. 3. MADE A DECISION TO TURN OUR WILL AND LIVES OVER TO THE CARE OF GOD AS WE UNDERSTOOD HIM. This asks us to let go of control and allow our Higher Power to help us. We learn to practice step 3 a day, perhaps an hour, or even a minute at a time. When our shattered faith in God, other humans beings, and ourselves begins to mend, we are ready to move on toward accepting responsibility for our lives. We know if our faith falters, we can always return to steps 1,2, & 3. 4. MADE A SEARCHING AND FEARLESS MORAL INVENTORY OF OURSELVES. Self examination can be terrifying for people who have been blamed, shamed, criticized and abused. We may have had no models of kindness at all, and the notion that we should examine ourselves with kindness might be completely foreign. 5. ADMITTED TO GOD, TO OURSELVES, AND TO ANOTHER HUMAN BEING THE EXACT NATURE OF OUR WRONGS. Sharing our secret shames we have carried, can be approached with even more fear than doing the inventory, for we suspect that no one in the world is as shameful as we are. Sharing is important to the cleaning up process, because only through sharing can we unburden ourselves of the darkness that we believe lurks within and begin to live in the present. With great relief, we attain a realistic view of ourselves as human beings with limitations and capabilities. 6. WERE ENTIRELY READY TO HAVE GOD REMOVE ALL THESE DEFECTS OF CHARACTER. Changing is a collaborative process. We don't need to dig into ourselves and root out every flaw and every characteristic we deem unworthy. We accept responsibility for ourselves and the choices we made. We become willing to let God remove those aspects of our character that no longer serves us. 7. HUMBLY ASK HIM TO REMOVE OUR SHORTCOMINGS. Humility doesn't mean loss of self esteem but rather esteeming ourselves for who we really are and loving ourselves enough to want to grow into even better, happier, and more useful human beings. We cannot be in a relationship with a Power greater than ourselves if we cling fiercely to our own self-will, our-self-righteous, and our stubborn conviction that only we know what is best. 8. MAKE A LIST OF ALL PERSONS WE HAVE HARMED AND BECOME WILLING TO MAKE AMENDS TO THEM ALL. Choosing to set boundaries and create wellness for ourselves is our primary responsibility, and may not make our families comfortable. Releasing our responsibility for the feelings, reactions and obligations of all those we love is as important as admitting when we have in fact done harm. 9. MADE DIRECT AMENDS TO SUCH PEOPLE WHEREVER POSSIBLE, EXCEPT WHEN TO DO SO WOULD INJURE THEM OR OTHERS. Use judgement, courage and willingness. Instead of charging out to make amends we take the time to consider the consequences of our actions. We become willing and then ask our Higher Power to provide the opportunity and the guidance, praying for the result to be for the highest good for all concerned - and remembering to include ourselves in the "all". 10. CONTINUED TO TAKE PERSONAL INVENTORY AND WHEN WE WERE WRONG PROMPTLY ADMITTED IT. We have had enough experience to understand that messes are much more easily cleaned up if done promptly. Having staggered around long enough with huge grudges on our backs, weighed down and depressed with bitter anger and burdened with enough guilt to sink an ocean liner, we know better - when we remember to think about - than to let our mistakes and resentments pile up again. 11. SOUGHT THROUGH PRAYER AND MEDITATION TO IMPROVE OUR CONSCIOUS CONTACT WITH GOD *AS WE* UNDERSTAND HIM, PRAYING ONLY FOR KNOWLEDGE OF HIS WILL FOR US AND THE POWER TO CARRY THAT OUT. Prayer has been described as talking to God and meditation as listening to God. We can borrow prayers from Al-Anon literature or repeat the Serenity Prayer. What matters is not how we pray, but that we pray. Remember to say "thank you" for the blessings as well as "help" for the challenges. Meditation can be described as concentrated quiet. Taking time from the hectic schedule to relax, breathe, focus, and listen can yield serenity and peace for any decision we face. We had to learn that prayer was not lecturing God on what we expected or needed, but rather humbling ourselves to pray only for knowledge of Gods will and realizing we don't always know what is best. 12. HAVING HAD A SPIRITUAL AWAKENING AS THE RESULT OF THESE STEPS, WE TRIED TO CARRY THIS MESSAGE TO OTHERS, AND TO PRACTICE THESE PRINCIPLES IN ALL OUR AFFAIRS. We have experienced many changes and transformations in our lives and attitudes. Something has "clicked" for us, and we want to keep this vital new way of life. Long time members tell us to maintain our spiritual growth, we must give it away. They call upon us not only to talk the talk, but to walk the walk, for modelling is the best - perhaps the only way to shine a light that others can use to see themselves. Click On Links To: THE TWELVE CONCEPTS THE TWELVE TRADITIONS SERENITY PRAYER